I Never Told You
by Novelist N Training
Summary: Who knew that music could solve a problem so huge? Eclare.


**I Never Told You**

Eli trudged up the stairs to his room, stomping on the stairs as hard as he possibly could. Mrs. Goldsworthy looked up from the kitchen sink and sighed, setting down the rag and wet plate she was holding. Hesitantly, she tiptoed up and knocked on Eli's door. Loud, dark music practically threw her down the stairs. Mrs. Goldsworthy analyzed her favorite (and only) son.

He looked terrible, to be brutally honest. There were dark circles under his cold, blank eyes. His hair resembled some road kill she had seen on a highway once. His shirt had something red smeared all over him. And for some reason, she didn't really want to know what it was.

Mrs. Goldsworthy pointed her finger at the ground, code for 'turn off the music'. Eli hit a switch on his stereo and the screaming, I mean music, abruptly cut off.

"Yes?" He sounded tired, deflated. His mother put her hand on his shoulder.

"Eli… Sweetheart… I think you should think about this. I don't mean get over Clare, or forget about her, but just think about what's happened recently." Eli slowly looked up from the floor and glared at his mom.

"… And… You DON'T think that I haven't been doing EXACTLY THAT every single moment?" His mother heard the solid edge in Eli's voice. Mrs. Goldsworthy smiled sadly.

"I don't doubt that you have. But I think that you should just… Look at every little thing and form a big picture. Like, you know, when you look at literature, and you highlight certain words so that you can get the overall summary?" Eli nodded, recognition showing in his eyes. "Well, this is like that." Eli nodded again, turned on his heel and walked back into his room. He strolled over to his stereo and turned the sound on again, but lower this time. Music played as Eli lowered himself to a laying position so that he was staring at the ceiling. He thought about his actions, what he had done to make Clare so uncomfortable and distant. His iPod continued to play on shuffle as he got lost in his own thoughts. It had been about an hour when suddenly a slower song played, a song that he didn't recognize.

And then it hit him.

Clare's music was still synced to his iPod. Eli listened to the lyrics.

_I miss those blue eyes_

_How you kiss me at night_

_I miss the way we sleep_

Eli thought about Clare's clear, serene blue eyes and shivered. The way they kissed under the stars as they swung in Eli's hammock made Eli smile. But the way that Clare fell asleep while he named consolations was adorable to him.

_Like there's no sunrise_

_Like the taste of your smile_

_I miss the way we breathe_

Eli missed the way that Clare and he would act like they had all the time in the world. But to them, they did. There was no time where they had to stop acting like they loved each other.

He also loved her smile. The way that it lit everything up in the world made Eli want, no CRAVE, it. And it was always great when they breathed next to each other, one in while the other out. It was a rhythm that Eli loved more than any other Dead Hand song.

_But I never told you_

_What I should have said_

_No I never told you_

_I just held it in_

Eli realized that what the song said exactly what had happened. He had missed every little opportunity to tell Clare how he felt, so he held it in until one week everything exploded. He blew everything way out of proportion, and came on so strong that Clare needed to physically push him away.

And it hit Eli through a Colbie Callliat song.

_And now_

_I miss everything about you_

_Can't believe that I still want you_

_After all the things we've been through_

_I miss everything about you_

_Without you_

_Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh_

He missed her. He missed everything about Clare, every single thing. Her messy hair, the way she dressed, the way that she was super religious and kind. After everything they had been through together, Eli still loved her with all of his heart. And now she was gone.

_I see those blue eyes every time I close mine_

_You make it hard to see_

_Where I belong to when I'm not around you_

_It's like I'm not with me_

Eli sat up and looked down at himself. He was wearing a white shirt that was wrinkled beyond belief. His mirror reflected the image of a boy that wasn't himself anymore. He was gone, that boy in the mirror. He had disappeared from the world. And seemingly nothing could bring him back.

_But I never told you_

_What I should have said_

_No I never told you_

_I just held it in_

_And now_

_I miss everything about you_

_(But still you're gone)_

_I can't believe that I still want you_

_After all the things we've been through_

_I miss everything about you_

_Without you_

And suddenly, Eli knew what to do. Quickly he got up and began to hunt down some black skinny jeans and a Dead Hand shirt. After he laced his boots up he grabbed the keys to Morty. Quickly driving, he pushed the button on his radio and, as if God was giving him a signal, a song Eli recognized played.

_But I never told you_

_What I should have said_

_No I never told you_

_I just held it in_

Eli found himself staring at Clare's door. Gulping down his nervousness, he knocked on the door. Then, Clare, his gorgeous Clare, opened the door with surprise written all over her face. Eli held his hands up.

"Listen, Clare. I never told you what I wanted to. I held down what I wanted to say, so it got bottled up inside me. And my doubt, my fears and confusion exploded all over our relationship, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I never told you. I never told you what I should have said, I just held it in. And now I miss everything, every single thing, about you. And I can't believe that I still want you, because you broke my heart when you left me. But after all the things we've been through I miss everything about you. Without you, no, I can't even think about it. I just can't live without you, but I want you to know that I respect what you need too. O-Okay?" Eli waited for Clare to answer, dread building up in his stomach.

And then, Clare closed the distance between them and kissed him. Eli kissed back, all of his regrets turning into passion.

**The next night**

Clare snuggled with Eli on the hammock.

"And that's Orion's Belt." Eli pointed up at the sky only to discover that Clare had fallen asleep. Eli smiled and kissed her forehead. With that, he simply whispered

"Thank you, Colbie Calliat."

* * *

><p><strong>The song is I Nver Told You by Colbie Calliat. I liked the idea that Eli and Clare's relationship, a really complicated thing, could be fixed by the power of music.<strong>


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